Yuanyuan said the following on 15-06-05 02:25

Dun be bothered by wat he says... Juz ask urself... R u wrong??? Shld u apologize for wat u did??? Is he wrong??? R u able to forgif n forget??? N again... Do u love him??? I noe u r angry... I noe u r sad... But gif him a chance or else u wont noe whether will he change for the better... (provided u still love him lah)

  jean86 said the following on 15-06-05 02:36

YuanYuan: thanks for your comments..thanks alot..helps me think through your comments..yeah..i still love him even though what a nasty thing he did to me..but it is easy to say "to forget" but sometimes when i angry with him or when i nothing to do, my mind will run thoughts about this incident again..i also want to forget this incident but no matter what i do, it still stays in my heart and mind like a foreva thing..hiaz.it really takes a long time to heal the heart and mind..and to totally forget this incident..it is 100% hard to forget..

  xiaowenzi said the following on 15-06-05 02:46

kk...u see, previously, ur entries mentioned that u\'ll think abt those sweet moments u two shared...so, why not instead of thinking of this incident, think of the better things u two do together? before u had this entry, i thought u were very happy and loving together...why not let that continue? ya...u get my point? just make this issue the last thing that u\'ll think about in your life k? continue to hold on together k? jia you!

  Weihong said the following on 15-06-05 06:17

hi there jean..hmm last time my ex used to read thru my past blogs...and also some private ones... which i actually got pretty mad about it..cuz there is this little secret that each of us kept under ourselves...which are not meant to be exposed or talked about...

i mean we do have our privacy even in relationships..and one should respect that... i\'m not saying that ure wrong but..sometimes when you want to look thru one\'s private things maybe should ask for their permission first ba ...

  xiaowenzi said the following on 15-06-05 06:21

hmmm...hope u\'re better now!

  jean86 said the following on 15-06-05 06:50

Xiaowenzi: thanks for your comments and advices..they are really useful to me..helps me think through alot of things..yeah..i will let myself think of other happy events rather then thinking about this incident again and again..i will make this incident the last thing to think about in my lie..thanks for the advices.. ..it makes me feel better again..thanks alot..from now on, i will blog those happy events that we had rather then this incident..thanks for making me feel better again...

weihong: thanks for the comments..i just thought he is my bf mahz..so why cant i have the rights to look at his things? but guess..i need his permission right? cause everyone has each of their dark secretst that cant be tell even to their close ones..but what if i din look at his msn history, how would i know he took a photo with a gal? guess that i will not know this incident at all if i did not went to see his msn history..cause he would definitely keep it as a secret to himself and not let me know..is this call trust?anway, that time in the mrt, i asked him "hey, your friend took a picture with a gal and put in friendster(this was also the gal that took pic with my bf), is she his gf?then my bf replied "no..not his gf"..my bf that time din even told me he got took photo with this gal..so what do you think?

Yuanyuan: thanks for your comments and advices..=)..yeah..i think i should try to "forget and dont talk about this incident anymore"..it makes the both of us difficult and cant continue the relationship becasue of this strain..so guess next time i will blog more happy events here..cant think about this incident anymore..as what xiaowenzi said, make this the last thing to think of in life..thanks for making me happy again..

  killer_guitarist said the following on 15-06-05 06:55

maybe...this matter is actually not as serious as how it seems right from the start..? hope I didn\'t offend u in any way but I feel that taking picture is actually nothin...although may feel a little awkward la. but it also depends on what he is doing in the picture, his posture so on la. if both just stand together that kinda picture ok de lor...

  killer_guitarist said the following on 15-06-05 07:01

oOops!! sorrysorry forgot all abt the msn messages thingy.....  pai seh pai seh...jus woke up u see...

  killer_guitarist said the following on 15-06-05 07:03

ya goodgood, don\'t think abt it too much anymore. 

  jean86 said the following on 15-06-05 08:20

lemonkiss: thanks for your comment..it makes me feel better..really thanks alot..i appreciate all of your comments..thanks for cheering me on, you give me your encouragement to carry on this relationship..yeah..i agree with you that trust is very important for every couple..without trust in a relationship is equals to 0% that the relationship will work..cause if the couple dont have trust between themselves, then how are they able to trust each other in future?yeah..i agree totally with you..human beings makes mistakes so i think i make myself not to think this incident anymore..thanks alot for your advices..do drop down my weblog if you have them time..yeah..i left a comment at your weblog too..

killer_guitarist:yeah...thanks for the advices too..think the only thing is to try to forget this incident and not make it a strain in our relationship cause i still love him...if i still keep thinking, then it will definitely cause a strain in our relationship..yeah..i added you in my buddy list already..guess there were some problems with the buddy list eariler on..when i press the button" add to buddy list" but your nick din appear in my buddy list..now it does appear in my buddy list..

dun:thanks for putting your comments here..i appreciate it alot..thanks..yeah..before we make it out, he gave me a promise that he wont do such thing again..i told him "if you do this again, i will definitely break with you"..so thats the promise we make..what do you think? hmm...my brain is telling me to forgive him cause you know..i still love him alot..yeah..

  jean86 said the following on 15-06-05 08:26

killer_guitarist: yeah..about the picture thing..i din have a chance to see it cause my bf deleted already so he din show me at all..before that, i tried to find it..but cant find..so guess i will not have a chance to see it unless i ask from his friend..but i did ask him how was the pic taken and he said it was just standing beside her..yeah..

  Robo said the following on 15-06-05 12:45

Actually, what was your main purpose to read through his MSN history? To see what he and his friends chat about? To see if he hiding any secrets from you? So now that you found something, does it make you any happier?

My point is that, if you are searching for something, it\'s only matter of time you will definitely find something, and when you found it, why all the feeling and anger then? Cause it\'s more or less sub-consciously you already expecting something to be there, or else you won\'t be searching for it, Right?

I\'m not saying you shouldn\'t be angry nor what you did are wrong, but just need to ask yourself truthfully about one question, after you know him for such a long time already, what do you think of his personality is? Can you trust him after knowing him for so long? Was he those that like to flirt around?

Like I mentioned earlier, whenever guys gathers together, 80% of the time they will talk about girls, it\'s something you can\'t control. Even me and my friends (all around my age group), we are still talking about girls 80% of our conversations, whether is this girl or that girl chio or not. Sometime, we will just talk about it but it doesn\'t mean that we will actually do it.

Is it any wrong to complement another girl is chio? Is it any wrong to admire a beautiful person? Personally, I felt hardly, but I know girls usually don\'t like to hear this statement from their bfs or partners. But think deeper a little, it\'s just a complement about another person, this doesn\'t mean that he is saying \'you are not as chio as her\'. Right? I mean we got to learn to look at things at the correct perspective.

However, having say this, I would say his reaction was a little somewhat exposing himself that he is guilty of hiding something from you, cause he is too defensive already. If a person is really nothing to hide from you and he knows all along that you will read his MSN History, why should he be angry and got so defensive about what he said about the girl and the picture taken? I\'m not sure of others and certainly I can\'t speak for others also, but at least I know this is what I will do, if I have nothing to hide from you, why should I be angry with you for reading my personal stuffs?

Yes, everyone should have some private space and secrets, but isn\'t it better that I don\'t have keep remember of what I have being hiding from you and worry I may blur it out accidentially one day, or you will find out the secret one day?

As such, it is very hard to say who\'s right and who\'s wrong, but what is more important now is how you can learn to let this go and look forward to the future, and learn to trust him again. And it\'s best that both of you and work this out together, of which nothing beats through a heart to heart chat.

  Robo said the following on 15-06-05 12:50

To add on what I said earlier, how do you feel about the three statements below:

1.  "You may not the most chio girl in the world, but you are the most chio girl in my world."

2.  "That girl is really chio but not as chio as you."

3.  "You are the most chio girl I have known so far."

Which is the most sincere statement?

  jean86 said the following on 15-06-05 14:38

Robo: i find that the most sincere statement is 1.  "You may not the most chio girl in the world, but you are the most chio girl in my world." this stament i think i will find it most sincere..ok..back to what you were pointing out..my main purpose to read through his MSN history is to find out what he and his friends usually chat about in internet. does he chat about me telling his friend that he dont love me, or find me very irritating or etc..sometimes my bf really keeps things to himself so i need to find out what he actually talk to his friends..does he talk any bad things behind me?after i found out about this, i am totally 100% depressed..sometimes i just wish that i would not do this(looking at his msn history) but my brain tells me and encourage me to see what is he doing and chatting with his friends about<P> No..i din expect to find something such depressing as in the MSN dialog where he says the gal very chio and he feels very bad to see gals even when he has a gf..thats what he say to his friend in MSN..if he does not say all this, i will not be depressed..i will also not found out that he took a photo with a gal..the other MSN history that i saw for the past few months, nothing was as bad as this..i was expecting that nothing will happen as in he will not say any bad things behind my back in MSN<P> ok..i have known him for already 1 year plus already..i trust him that he will not flirt around..but even my mind was like "to trust him", i still cant help myself to look at his msn history when he is sleeping..cause i think "so what if i look at his msn history?if he nothing to hide, i see his msn history also nvm right? cause hopefully he will not say anything that will make me depressed or what..but i din know what i saw and what i trust him was different..i din know until that day that he still will take a photo behind my back with another gal<P> yeah..i know that whenever guys gathers together, they still talk about girls..sometimes i really dotn understand why..when you have a wife/gf, why are you still interested in other girls? like for me, i have a bf already, but i am not interested in other guys anymore..i will not talk about other guys in front of my girlfriends..no..cause i am very faithful to my bf and i am perhaps over-processive of him and love him so much so i am not interested in other guys at all..my bf is the only one for me so i am not interested in other guys anymore<P> yeah..i know it is not wrong to admire a beautiful person and say another person beautiful..i know that..yeah..i agree with you in this point..cause we are not as chio as the person, so got to admit that..i agree with you for this point..<P> so you pointed out that he(my bf) exposed himself as a guilty person? so it means all along, he knows that i will be angry with him for taking a pic with a gal and say she chio..if that is the case, why must he do this to me? if he knows i will be angry, then why still want to take the photo with that chio guys? he all along know that i will be angry right? cant he think of the consequences at all? as what he says everytimes, he needs face from his guy friends..so it makes me think that "need face from guy friends" is more important then me getting angry..its like "so what if you are angry, me having face in front of my guy\'s friend is more important"..does face really so important, mroe important in me breaking up with him? cant he think of me breaking up with him when i found out the truth?haiz..<P> yeah..thats is what i agree with you in "if a person is really nothing to hide from you and he knows all along that i will read his MSN history, why would he get so angry/decivise?" so i can conclude that he himself already feel guilty of him taking a photo with a gal and he knows that i will be angry knowing this. so it means if i dont see his msn history, i will not know how unfaitful he had been..its just so depressing again to point out this..yeah..as for me, if my bf reads my msn history and i did not do anything wrong behind him, i will not be angry too..cause anyway your read also no use cause i am not hinding anything from you at all..<P> what you say about this point  "Yes, everyone should have some private space and secrets, but isn\'t it better that I don\'t have keep remember of what I have being hiding from you and worry I may blur it out accidentially one day, or you will find out the secret one day?" - -  what does that point out/mean? Yes..i know the only thing is to let go and dont think about it..sometimes i would really like to try out taking a picture with a guy and let him find out so i can see his reaction..will his reaction be like me angry? or will his reaction will be very calm and just say its alright..i dont mind cause only take a pic only mahz..not hug each other and take..just a standing pic only..i really want to know what his reaction will be..but no matter what reaction he has, it will be a bad one for me..if he says, "its alright..its ok"..then i would know, he does not love me that much as he allow guys to take pics with me"..if you love a person so much, if a guy/girl takes pics with another person, you will feel some soft of jealousy..confirm right? who will not feel jealous at all?haiz...<P> now i know a relationship is hard to handle..sometimes i think why not go back to the period of time when i am not attached at all..do you guys know when i am not attached to him at all, i was so independent..as in i will learn to cope things myself, do things myself cause that period of time i do not have a bf..but know..haiz..even have a bf also so many problems..have to handle so many problems..whenever i think about this incident, it makes me hating my bf..really hate him and dont love him at all..i should not be attached at the first place..this incident makes me hate him, makes me feel depressed, makes me feel evil as in want to take revenge by taking a photo with a guy and see what his reactions are..i guess i need to take 1 step at a time..as now he is in NS, he also cant spend so much time with me, so i think the only person who may break with him is only me..i think i stop here..i really hate him for doing this to me..keep thinking that he is the unfaitful one to me..<P>

  tonycher said the following on 15-06-05 15:05

Well, in my opinion, both of you are to be blame. Sorry to say that. Cos firstly, you have intruded his privacy, secondly, if you did not find out abt this, you will not know what has happened, thirdly, he still can blame you for not trusting him and yet he did this.

Btw haf you tried toking to him? i bet the ppl in egen that had commented on ya blog did told you what to do rite?

  jean86 said the following on 16-06-05 01:52

tonycher: thanks for the comments and advices..so you mean that both of us at wrong? yeah..i admit maybe its my mistake to see his msn history..so that is my mistake..but why must he get so angry and defensive about me reading it? he was so angry and defensive about me reading his msn history. so that means he really have something that is hiding from me right? which is taking the pic with a gal?that is why he got so angry and defensive?if not, for example, if he were the one to read my msn history, as i have nothing to hide from him, i wont be so angry and defensive.."you want to read then read lor..anyway nothing inside also"..yeah..he totally blamed me for not trusting him at all..the first thing he angry was "why you go and look at my msn history? we have been together for 1 year plus le and you dont believe my feelings for you? and he was so depressed cause he said what he had done for me for this past year did not make me trust him at all..haiz..yeah..i tried talking to him..this incident has already been 1 month ago..and now he is in NS..<P>

i really feel so depressed when i found out the photo and the comments he made about that girl..why must you hide that from me? so if i did not go and read his history, so foreva till i die, i will not even know that you take the picture with the girl? i 100% 10 times hate people who keeps things behind my back..i hate these type of ppl..really hate.. ..cant you be honest? and that time i asked him why nv tell me eariler, know what his reaction was? he told me" since i know you will go read my msn history, then i might as well dont tell you, you go search for yourself.cause if i told you eariler, your reaction wil always be the same which is angry..tell you eariler or tell you later, your reaction will also be the same one which is angry..so no difference..this is what he told me..i dont know why guys needs face so much..he all along know i will be angry but still went to do that..know i angry still went to take the photo..i think he is totally unmature at all..older then me by 2 years also so unmature..hope the NS will make him more mature..i hate him..i hate him..<P>

  timbo said the following on 20-06-05 06:55

i would agree also that intruding his privacy is not the best thing... but yet, i don\'t really like his reaction to you as well. I feel that it shows a lot about his commitment and respect to you.

  jean86 said the following on 20-06-05 07:20

 timbo: what do you mean by you dont really like his reaction to me as well? what reaction he did?you said "I feel that it shows a lot about his commitment and respect to you" what do you mean here?

  princess said the following on 15-06-07 02:41

i bet to differ, ie i dont think it's wrong to read his msn history. couples should not need to hide things from each other.

maybe you should ask a guy who really loves his gf if wad you did is wrong. he would be a better judge.

  duoshock said the following on 15-06-07 03:08

i also do think that couples would not have secrets in between. but everyone needs a personal space to breathe, so a permission beforehand will be best to tie these 2 things together. well, i think that devotion is good but over possessive is not kinda good. still the best i think is to thrash things out with him, if you can't compromise, please don't do so by forcing yourself. pretty straight forward.

  duoshock said the following on 15-06-07 04:06

Golden rules for arguing constructively

DO -

• Know why you are arguing before you start.
• Devote some time to resolving the problem.
• Sit down and make eye contact.
• Speak personally about what you feel.
• Acknowledge when the other person makes a valid point.
• Agree to differ if you cannot agree.
• Stick to the matter in hand.
• Cease arguing and separate if there is any likelihood of violence.

TRY NOT TO -

• Behave aggressively or disrespectfully.
• Argue deliberately to hurt the other person's feelings.
• Generalise.
• Bring up old unresolved disputes.
• Walk away without deciding when discussion will be resumed (unless violence threatens).
• Bring other peoples' opinions in.
• Argue about something for more than an hour.
• Argue late at night or after drinking.

"I statements" are one key to successful communication. Don't blame the other person. Help him or her to understand what you feel and what you would like to have happen. This doesn't guarantee that he or she will understand, or that you'll get what you want; however, the other person will be much more likely to hear you if you speak respectfully, and from your own truth.

ps:here is some communication tips that i got from the net that may help. well always argue not to win but to get an deep understanding. after the understanding part, you will be more or less clear on what to do. 

  Athena said the following on 26-06-07 13:01

hi jean! just saw the birthday calender thingie at the front page. and i saw yr name...

wanna wish u a Very Happy Birthday!

may u stay happy and healthy too!